The Emotional Side of Surrogacy
Surrogacy Changed My Life — Here’s Why Support Matters
Surrogacy has quite literally changed my life. As a three-time surrogate, I had the blessing and privilege of carrying three surro-babes for two different families. My work now in the surrogacy space is deeply informed by that lived experience — and by the belief that a well-supported journey benefits both surrogates and intended parents. Surrogacy is beautiful, powerful, and also surprisingly emotional. Let’s explore the emotional side of surrogacy.
My Three Surrogacy Journeys: The Highs, Lows, and Everything In Between
Each of my surrogacy journeys was unique and carried its own emotional and physical challenges.
My first journey unfolded during Covid — transfer in January 2020, delivery in October 2020. But even before the pandemic, the emotional rollercoaster had already begun. After removing my hormonal IUD, month after month of monitoring revealed my uterine lining wasn’t responding as expected. After a hysteroscopy, we finally transferred in January 2020. Each month of “not yet” felt like a setback. My intended parents were gracious and supportive, but it was a lot for all of us to process.
My second journey with a new family brought its own surprises. We knew which medication protocol worked best for my body… so it should’ve been smooth sailing, right? Not at all. We transferred twice — and neither resulted in pregnancy. It was devastating and confusing. I had successfully carried three pregnancies; why was this different? But with patient, hopeful IPs, we tried once more with their last precious embryo — and it stuck. Two years and two days after my previous surro-babe, I delivered their miracle.
My last journey — my retirement round — began smoothly with an easy transfer and positive confirmation. But at just five weeks, I began bleeding heavily. I feared the worst. At the clinic, I was diagnosed with a subchorionic hematoma. The bleed measured 3 mm; the embryo was only 0.83 mm. And yet, miraculously, there was a heartbeat. After six more weeks of bleeding and monitoring, we finally turned the corner.
There are countless details I could share, but the truth is this: surrogacy is a blessing, a miracle, and an emotional endeavor. Becoming a surrogate requires a kind of armor you don’t realize you’ll need until you’re wearing it. My work with SoCal Surrogacy Support is built from that lived truth — that supported journeys matter.
The Joy and the Weight: Surrogacy’s Emotional Duality
Many surrogates begin this path because they want to help grow a family, enjoy pregnancy, or wish to support their own through compensation. But what’s often less discussed are the emotional and physical challenges that can arise — challenges no one can predict. Surrogacy is both joy and weight, light and responsibility.
So how do you navigate that duality with grace? Support.
Someone to celebrate the heartbeat confirmation, transfer day excitement, and the delivery of a long-awaited baby. And someone to help you weather the delays, failed cycles, injections, and emotional fatigue. Support doesn’t remove the hard parts — but it helps you move through them.
How Support Transforms the Surrogacy Experience
My role as a surrogacy support agent is simple: to ensure surrogates and intended parents never walk this journey alone. Through in-person attendance at milestone appointments, clear communication, advocacy, and collaboration with agencies, clinics, and attorneys, I help reduce overwhelm and strengthen the human experience of the journey.
My work is designed to complement — not compete with — the incredible professionals who make surrogacy possible. And while we always plan for smooth sailing, it’s the unexpected moments when support matters most. My promise is to walk with you, providing grounded, compassionate support throughout your journey.
Hope in the Darkness: Surrogacy and the Emotional Season of December
I’m writing this in the middle of the holiday season — a time of brightness and celebration wrapped in the cold and darkness of December. Surrogacy often mirrors this: profound hope woven into moments of uncertainty. Those who walk this path are brave and deserving of support, and I am honored to offer it.
You Deserve Support — You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
If you’re navigating the emotional side of surrogacy, you deserve to feel supported, understood, and never alone. If this message resonates and you think I might be a good fit for your journey, please reach out. I would be honored to be part of your story.
Who’s Who in Surrogacy: Agencies, Clinics, Lawyers… and Support
Surrogacy takes a village — from medical specialists to legal experts — but one important role often gets overlooked: the person providing emotional support and guidance every step of the way.
As a three-time surrogate myself, I learned firsthand how essential that role truly is. SoCal Surrogacy Support was born from my lived experience — the love, challenges, and transformation that come with surrogacy. While we always hope for smooth journeys, sometimes bumps arise along the way, and no one should face those moments alone.
The Agency
Surrogacy agencies are like the project managers of a surrogacy journey — coordinating everything from medical screenings to legal arrangements and, most importantly, helping to match surrogates and intended parents. Yes, it’s a little like matchmaking — finding the right blend of personalities, goals, and values to create a strong foundation for a successful partnership.
Agencies handle the logistics: scheduling screenings, working with mental health professionals, connecting surrogates with lawyers, and ensuring that all requirements are met before the baby arrives. They are the glue that holds the process together and help keep everything organized and on track.
However, while agencies are incredible at managing the details, their focus is primarily on logistics — not always on the emotional or day-to-day support that surrogates and intended parents may need throughout their journey.
The Fertility Clinic
The medical experts at fertility clinics handle the science of surrogacy. This team includes:
Reproductive Endocrinologist (REI): The lead fertility doctor who oversees screenings, embryo transfers, and pregnancy confirmation.
Nurse Coordinator / IVF Nurse: The surrogate’s main contact for medication schedules, monitoring, and appointments.
Sonographer (Ultrasound Technician): Performs ultrasounds during screening, lining checks, and early pregnancy.
Phlebotomist / Lab Technician: Draws blood for hormone levels and other lab work.
Embryologist: Manages embryo creation, freezing, and transfer preparation.
Andrologist: Handles sperm collection and preparation.
Medical Assistants: Support patient prep and coordination during visits.
This team makes the miracle of surrogacy possible — they are the guardians of the medical side of the process. But once a pregnancy is confirmed and the surrogate “graduates” to her regular OB, their role typically concludes.
The Lawyer
A surrogacy lawyer protects everyone involved. They draft and review contracts, establish parental rights, and ensure that the process remains ethical and secure. Their work ensures that everyone’s rights are respected and that if challenges arise, there’s a clear path forward.
While their role is vital, it’s also focused on the legal aspects — not the emotional or day-to-day support that can make all the difference during a surrogacy journey.
The Support Role — SoCal Surrogacy Support
At SoCal, my work complements — not replaces — the incredible efforts of agencies, clinics, and lawyers. My role is to make the journey more human, heart-centered, and supported from start to finish.
I walk alongside surrogates and intended parents throughout their journeys — attending key appointments, helping translate medical language into real understanding, and offering reassurance in real time. I serve as a bridge for clear communication between everyone involved, ensuring that no one feels left behind or unheard.
This work matters because when surrogates and intended parents feel supported, everyone wins. My lived experience fuels my belief that empathy and compassion are essential parts of every successful surrogacy journey.
Why Collaboration Matters
Each professional plays a crucial role. When all parts of the team work together, the experience becomes smoother, more joyful, and more compassionate for everyone involved.
This month, at the SEEDS Conference, I was reminded just how deeply everyone in this field cares about helping families grow. Collaboration isn’t just ideal — it’s essential.
If you’re an intended parent, surrogate, or fertility professional who believes in compassionate collaboration, I’d love to connect. Together, we can make every journey one of strength, joy, and genuine support.
Surrogacy Myths vs. Reality: What You Really Need to Know
It all begins with an idea.
Surrogacy Myths vs. Reality: What You Really Need to Know
My name is Beckie Henselmeier, founder of SoCal Surrogacy Support. As a three-time surrogate myself, I started this company to provide the kind of personal, hands-on support that goes beyond medical care, legal guidance, or the coordination offered by surrogacy agencies.
My role is to walk alongside surrogates and intended parents throughout their journey — offering compassion, advocacy, and understanding every step of the way.
Surrogacy is a beautiful and often misunderstood path. Let’s break down some of the most common myths and uncover the truth behind them.
Myth 1: Surrogates are “giving up their baby.”
One of the first qualifications to become a surrogate is having had at least one child of your own. Surrogates are not biologically linked to the baby they carry. Intended parents create embryos through a fertilization process under the direction of fertility specialists.
So, surrogates aren’t “giving up” anything — they’re helping another family bring their baby into the world.
When a surrogate delivers that long-awaited baby, it’s not a moment of loss but one of awe and pure joy — witnessing the intended parents meet their child for the very first time. While surrogates carry the pregnancy, parenthood belongs entirely to the intended parents.
Myth 2: Surrogacy is an easy process.
Surrogacy is life-changing and deeply rewarding — but it’s not easy. It’s an emotional, physical, and logistical journey that requires resilience and heart.
From passing medical and psychological screenings to following strict medication protocols, coordinating timing, signing contracts, and building a relationship with intended parents — every step takes intention and patience.
In my own journeys, I faced plenty of challenges. I underwent two hysteroscopies, learned how my body responded to different medications, and eventually had to switch to a natural cycle. It took time — and a lot of waiting. I even became pregnant right before a global pandemic!
During my second journey, I experienced two failed transfers before a successful one — a heartbreaking emotional hurdle. And in my final journey, at just five weeks pregnant, I began bleeding heavily. It turned out to be a subchorionic hematoma, a common but scary complication in IVF pregnancies.
Through it all, I was able to deliver three healthy babies for two incredible families. I’m grateful for the strength of my body, the trust of my intended parents, and the beauty of the surrogacy process.
Myth 3: Only “certain” people can be surrogates.
Surrogates come from all walks of life. What they share in common is a love for pregnancy and a desire to help others experience parenthood.
Each surrogate’s motivation is unique — whether it’s the joy of helping another family grow or the opportunity to support their own family through the journey’s benefits. But at the heart of it, surrogates are simply people who want to make a difference.
Myth 4: Everyone will understand and support your choice.
While surrogacy is more accepted today, there are still misconceptions and stigma surrounding it. That’s why a strong foundation of support is so important — from family, friends, and trusted professionals.
As a surrogacy support agent, that’s where I come in. My role is to normalize the emotions and experiences that come with this unique journey — to listen, to guide, and to remind you that your choice is valid and powerful.
Because at the end of the day, the only opinion that truly matters is yours.
Fact: Surrogacy support matters.
My role isn’t to replace your fertility clinic, agency, or attorney — it’s to complement them. I provide an extra layer of emotional and practical support throughout the process — because I’ve lived it, and I know how much it matters.
Being a surrogate is special. It’s life-changing. And you should never have to walk that journey alone.
Surrogacy has forever changed my life, and I am honored to have done it three times. I believe women are superheroes — and that surrogacy is one of the most beautiful and transformational experiences we can share.
If you’d like to learn more about how I can support your journey, I’d love to connect. 💕